I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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