You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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