so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
