The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
