I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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