So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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