So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
