oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
