Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
