PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
