two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize