dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you didnt know i had herpes?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
