I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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