i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You ruined the universe
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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