I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
