She went from zero to smokin in five shots
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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