It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
