I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize