Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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