Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Say it nicely.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody

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(425): View more from Washington

I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks

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(631): View more from New York

Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?

(516): View more from New York

lol... you weighed it?

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(541): View more from Oregon

Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.

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