i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
