party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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