Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize