Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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