when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
