It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
