for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
