i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize