twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
