She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
