Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
