Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
