sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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