Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
