We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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