Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
