so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
