Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
