Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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