i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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