mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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