Just fell off a train. Bad.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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