How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
