beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
