hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize