She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
