i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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