dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
