dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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