I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
