One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
