she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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