last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize