Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize