conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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