Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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