Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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