she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
