So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's never too late to be topless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize