He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
