She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize