i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
