I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
