All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
