I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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