What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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