Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
