just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My dick has a subreddit
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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