I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
