I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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