hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
