In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
