So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
