I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize