Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
please don't ironically join a cult
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