obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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