ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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