She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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