soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
